Wednesday, 19 December 2012


Assalamualaikum and a good day i bid to all of you. Unfortunately the same doesn't go for me though. Biaselah curiosity does kill the cat. And in this the cat. And i don't even like cats. Aigoo. I wanted to buy new novels but then dad had some business so I couldn't go. So Im stuck with nothing to read. WAAAAA! sedihnyaa. Dah lame tk beli novel bau. So my blog is called the luahan hati dan perasaan. So by right I can write anything I want here without any care right? So that's exactly what I want to do. I one read my blog anyway. So it's okay. I've always wanted to write about it here but then rasenya takut kot. but then the heck with it. 

I want a new love. Haha. Gurau je laaa. Mane ade. I want to get over the current one. As soon as possible. Since he already has a girlfriend who is my friend, so I shouldn't do that should I? hmm let us change the love word to sesuai. Love sounds so adult'ish and like i wanna get married. Btw, Maria Elena got married already. Yeay her. She's 26 i think so i figured i have lots more time. I still have to finish my a level and my degree and my soon going-to-exist career and in sya Allah my phD ke.. HEHE. soo evil and i don't like it. I really really really wanna get over it. Like compared to a's ..i want this even more actually. Haha. 

I don't wanna sound desperate. Am I sounding desperate? Adusss. I wanna forget it. Forget it. Forget it. Forget it. Forget it. I know that eep down what I'm doing right now is so wrong. I just need some sort of control. And deep down...we all know what to do actually. The answers are there within us. But it is us that don't want to admit it. I would know because I am doing the exact same thing right now. Grrr. Geramnya dgn diri sendiri. Every time I am on the phone or texting right now, actually she is the only one in my mind right now. When i say a word or press the send button, I can only think of her and putting myself in her shoes. What would I feel if I am in her shoes? I would feel really awful and really really bad. I HAVE TO STOP. Help me? adusss. Hanya Allah swt tempat kau bergantung when mishaps come. When troubles come to say hi. When something's gone terribly wrong. He is who you turn to. We know this one particular sentence that Allah swt said but it is one the we often tend to ignore. 


and who are we to mind the words of Allah swt

Saturday, 15 December 2012

dh ade beberapa idea nak post something tp mls..and sejak akhir2 ni rasa minat plak kat taylor swift ngn colbie kot..lagu diorg sweet2 je..mcm aku...ahaks!

Tuesday, 13 November 2012


So a certain someone told me that I haven't updated my blog in a long time..haha that's true. Actually I have so many to write but then again to see it in printing..makes it so much more real than it really is. Or maybe I'm just trying to fool myself into making myself believe that it is not that real when in reality it really is. I just couldn't find the bravery to write the entry in my diary cause then I would have to admit to myself how wrong it is. Whatever I was doing.

Words have a way to creep deep into your soul and makes you feel things you didn't know exist. Emotions have their own way of overpowering yourself. Making you do things that you know is wrong. Even while you're doing it. Haihhh. You feel sad. You feel upset. But mostly you feel angry with yourself. Cause you can't control yourself. Control. Control. Control. Toughest thing to do in the whole wide world.

Every time you're doing it, you're going to feel angry. Just pure selfishness and anger. Maybe not you. Maybe just me. Or maybe not maybe at all. Just just. Confused? Trust me. It's something much more complicated than that. Here in this soul is a very messed up heart that doesn't really know what to do. Or maybe she knows but she just couldn't bring herself to do it. Old habit dies hard. Very hard.

Tried holding myself back before. Having a phone is kinda troublesome sometimes. When you don't have much of a self-control. So here it goes. I'll just spell it out for you. Haih. Or you probably know what I'm talking about. Or not. Or yes. Whichever works for you. When people used to say that teen age are very confusing, I didn't believe it at first. I mean how confusing can it really get? Super confusing it turned out to be. When curiosity weighs out rationality. When love cancels out logic. When crushes crush you. Literally. Haha.  I tweet. I say stuff. I feel stuff. I need things. Things and stuff I don't even understand. Things and stuff I don't really comprehend.
sje letk gmbr emo sikit. haha

Wednesday, 17 October 2012

never would have thought....

my blog so my posts i guess. if the post doesn't offend anyone, should be no problem i guess. I can't bear to read my friends blog cause then the memories will start pouring in and there's no way to stop it. The feeling is massive and everything triggers it. didn't and never would have thought it would be this bad you know missing my friends. Never would have thought it would be this bad to be missing ma boy session in the dorm. Never would have thought it would be this bad in loving the sound of music in the class. The sound of people shouting ayam in the canteen. The sound of girls running to escape the rain after coming back from the mufaz. The sound of paper against each other in the fury of finishing the homework.

Never would have thought the memories would run this deep and yes, gonna run deeper with no knowledge of it stopping. Never would have thought the thoughtless conversation would now mean so much. Never would have thought the caress of the wind the night at the corridor would be that soft and to be missed too much. To miss the dimness of the light in the dorm. Some studying. Some sleeping away.

Never would have thought the thought of it would last this long and this hard. No way to end it. Not even sure I want to end it. It's that beautiful. And because of that, the pain of it all seems so hard to withstand. To be kept inside. To be an attempt to blend my way in. Having to start all over again. To know that what truth lies within the personality in mine. To truly know to myself that all of it is a facade. where does the truth lies when I don't even know what's true and what's not anymore.........

Thursday, 13 September 2012


budk ni matured gile muka. Itu lah first impression ku terhadap Miss Syuhaida. Haha. We were deskmates time f1 and f5. So sweet. When Allas says kun fayakun, who can say otherwise:). So this foxyy little lady (who is not that little but yes a bit foxy) is now not in Malaysia anymore. She is now in Jordan. Take care dear. Wow, time flies. Or in this case, the girl herself. She's taking dentistry. Haha. Syu nnt aku nak buat braces supaya gigi aku dh tk mcm ronaldinho the football player ag dah. Nnt diskau tau. Bile nnt you nak give birth , you dtg kat i. I plak kasi diskaun.

oPPSI. Lupa nak bagi salam. Assalamualaikum dunya. So aku ngn syu ni tkde ah rapat sgt time f1. Mane tknya aku keje asyik nanges dia plak keje asyik mkn chocolate. Bukan nk offer :p. Tp kebetulan kitorg terrr jadi deskmate time f5. Haha. Mase tu mmg kamceng gilee sampai aku oun tk sangka sebenarnya. Kitorg bnyk berkongsi rahsia dn cerita. Sampai tk terkire. Tp aku tk nk buat cerita sedih. Kau gi Jordn pun bukanyya buat ape. Nak smbung blaja. Benda baik aku sgt alu2kan. Sori tk hntr keadaan tk mengizinkan. Tp kau SENTIASA dlm ingtn dn hatiku. Cause once you love someone, ther are never apart from you. They're there with you, in your heart:). Jaga diri baik2. Makan je bnyk2. janji sihat. Nnt jgn balik2 bawak laki bawak ank tk ckp. Aku tk kira. Aku nk gk jd bridesmaid kau.

Haha. Ingt Syhamiel tu ha. Amboiii pengakuan berani mati nmpk. IT'S ABOUT TIME DEAR.. anyway, good luck. Wish you allll the best. Have a blast there. Study hard. (the same goes to me). Dan semoga anda berada di bawah lembayung rahmat Allah sentiasa

Monday, 10 September 2012

cinta sejati

Cinta itu tidk pernh slh sbb cinta itu suci. Kita wujud sbb cinta. Cinta dr Allah swt kat kita. Tp cinta itu tercemar dgn uncontrolled nafsu. Semua ade nafsu. Mcm aku nafsu plg obvious ialah err nafsu tido:) Lately students bukn main ag sweet. Adakah cinta itu sekdar awak rindu saya tp saya laagi rindu awak. Kenapa awak tk call saya..saya rindu tauu. Nak merajuk. Does our love extends to that much only? Oh my. I didn't know that we are errr that simple. Don't get me wrong. Of course it's very common for us to feel something. I mean to not feel anything at that is weird. But you have to remember the original purpose of you right now. When you waste sooo much of your precious time missing and looving someone else, others are struggling super hard for that spot that was supposed to be yours in the scholarship. So do something to change my was to is. KAY?

I write this cause I constantly need to remind myself also. So I don't get side-tracked while aiming for real, juicy stuff. This little short happiness along the way will only be for that moment only. Yes it's okay to hang out and chill but everything has their limit. Do not be embarrassed to turn down an offer when someone ask you to hang out at sunway or mid or wherever, remember it's more embarrassing if you don't get to fly because you don't meet the requirements. Of course one outing is not going to make the difference but you get what I'm talking bout. oh yeah. I was originally gonna talk about cinta sejati. haha 'side-tracked' plak.

Anyway, my dad got into accident. It was 2 weeks ago but I didn't know until recently. It's nothing serious but of course there will be after effect after the accident occur. He constantly feels pening and he doesn't have his balance yet. And mom's like the wonder woman at her maximum. She's taking care of him and do all that. And that's why I remembered, now this is true love. Dad is going through some health difficulties and she's doing everything she can to make it a better period. Of course me and my sisters help around also but that's nothing laa compared to my mom. In conclusion study hard. Mom says that every time dad goes to see a doctor, he always say "nanti akak mcm ni lah bila akak dh jd doktor nnt" Oh boy, i better get cracking then.....

Friday, 31 August 2012

kekeliruan itu menyeksakan

kdg situasi itu seksa.
 kadang saat itu sukar.
 lazim, hidup itu duka.
lazim juga hidup itu suka
cuka atau gula, pilihan ada pada kita
sesaat itu keliru,
sedetik itu gusar
kadang2 diri tidk mmpu
selalu diri ini pasrah
namun selalu juga diri ini tabah
kerna sahabat ibu dn pencipta
saat subjek memeningkan
saat kau mendebarkan
saat kau mengecewakan
aku seksa
aku suka
aku duka
Allah tetap ada
walau kau tinggal
jauh dr diri
jauh dari hati
hati terluka hanya diri yg rasa
adakah ini kehidupan?
sabar dgn pencipta
syurga menanti di sana


Assalamualaikum to all and may you have a good day. The name above mentioned is one my closest friends' name. I do not have A best friends for I have lots of them. Insyallah. I've tweeted this once "it's okay to make new friends but don't forget the old ones". Well, if it turns out that you DO forget them, maybe they're not really your closest friends. Cause once you love someone, they don't ever leave. They stay right there with you. Right in your heart.  I've been here. I've been there. Seen that. Done that. And yet, life never fail to surprise me.

It's been almost 2 months here for me in Taylors but sometimes, I still have the difficulties to blend in and mix around. I may seem cheerful and happy all the time but hey, looks deceive. So, what's the kaitan between Ummu and this post?? Everything actually. I was just looking at her pictures at FB and realised how cute she looks. Alhamdulillah. Life has given me soo much and you, my friend are one of life's most awesome gift to me.

Hehe. While I was browsing through your pictures a.k.a stalking you, I said to myself, wow Ummu has so many great memories. Gangster kampungan laa katekan. And then it struck me, life is always how you want it to be. The choice is ALWAYS yours. You are the one who chose to smile or sulk. You are the one who chose to study or not. You are the one who chose whether to say or do those embarrassing things or not. Life may have played a pert in which it can compel you to that particular something but in the end, the ones who pull the final straw, the ones who did the final decision is you.

So when life fails you, remember that when life fails you, you are the ones who failed yourselves. However, when you succeed, you're the one who gave yourself that particular gift. Do NOT forget though. Allah S.W.T. gave you that thing. What I mean is that is in terms of effort. Haha. I don't know if my tajuk is still relevant or not. Don't worry Ummu, even if some may say that the tajuk isn't relevant to the post, know that you are ALWAYS relevant in my heart:)

Tuesday, 21 August 2012


Assalamualaikum and good day peeps. So lets get back to business. Dena Bahrin's 14 weeks pregnant (wow, congrats) and maria elena's gonna get married soon (aku bile lagi...huhu). So I bet not all of you have heard of the second child syndrome term right. But since I'm a second child myself, that is why I would like to introduce the term to those who are interested. Remember life's studying is not just in the books but it's a life long journey.

Second child syndrome usually happens because the parents are usually very excited when they are having their first child but that buzzing excitement tends to die down when the second child comes in. I said that it tends to but there is still chances that that excitement will continue to live on. Hihi. So then maybe there's some sort of negligence towards the second child. Parents rarely becomes unfair towards their children but they are humans and just like any other humans, parents make mistake. So sometimes second child feels ignored and may suffer from the feeling of being unwanted.

So what are really the characteristics of a second child????

-low self esteem/ high confidence
haha. I know the 'tajuk' looks confusing. You see, when the second child tends to be 'ignored', the second child may be suffering from low self esteem as they feel that they are unwanted and not loved. So every little bit of mistakes or unfamiliarity may bring forth a sense of being uncomfortable. However, the situation may reverse. And the kid may be kinda confident and independent. Since the child are always left to tend by themselves, they become independent and know how to manage themselves earlier from the other siblings.

emmm, since the child may be left to tend to themselves a lot, second child are usually loners and not really sociable, Because even in a small society (the family) they are being outcasted and are outsiders, this would pose to become a problem in a bigger society. Sometimes it's a matter of familiarity, they have become used to being alone so why not continue to being alone?? It's more comfortable to be by yourself where people don't judge you no matter how weird or freaky you are.

-trust issues
When  we are kids, it's only natural that we want to rely on our parents and to receive help from them in anyway possible. But when second child kinda, always solve their problems by themselves, it's harder to learn to put your trust in others. To try to lean on someone else.

But really all the characteristics above are just theories. These characteristics may not stay as students will expand their social field and meet new people and meet new friends. So, really nothing is absolute in the human body. I'm a second child myself and I personally think that second child are nit hard headed/degil and awesome perharps?? ahakss

Thursday, 16 August 2012


Assalamualaikum. So it's time to look back and this is crazy but here's my number so call me maybe. Ok so that's a song right..but that doesn't matter... What really matter was the time to look back part. Okay so this part can be either good or bad. Depends on how you treat the thing really. Remember, the choice is ALWAYS yours. No one can force to do anything that you don't wanna do. No matter how the situation may be. Bonda always says that sometimes we can't just keep looking up cause here and then, it's important to look down and know what you've been through. To know what you did. And what you didn't .

Life for me now is soooooo very different from what I thought it would be. Lots of things which I expected to be impossible happened. The closest example would be of course where I am studying now. I mean I've dreamt of going to Taylors bit it's a private college so then I thought it was not possible. Then Bursary came and made everything happen. Well not really everything. Anyway, then I met a few people and got really close with some of them. And now I understand that you can never give everything to one person cause that one person will never be a strong anchor. Just as how your feelings can vary, his/ hers can too. Depend on HIM only and you'll find life just a tiny bit easier to deal with.

You already know how the people here study like ALL the time. And I should be doing the same also. I don't know how I got my a+. Mmmg rezeki dr Allah semata2. Aduss. Since I was back in school, I was  a bit slow in my studies. I have to read and reread and rereread again to understand something and do like a thousands exercise. When I was in Form 5, the stress was really high and I cried like all the time. Pak Yem called me for add and for PA. Teacher Rizah was worried for me for Physics. But I got through that. Of course with help from evryone especially HIM.

So, I'm not gonna give up no matter how bouncy the road may be. No matter how low my marks may be. No matter how smart everyone else is from me. I just have to organize my time more smartly , work a little bit harder, do a thousands more exercise and finish all my homework. Then ill surely get my a* right.. now let's just figure out a way to do all of the above

Saturday, 4 August 2012


Haha. Such a boring topic kan. but what can i say, there's nothing but the truth. Before I forget, Ya Robbi, it's already Ramdhan and I wonder why I didn't change much from last month of ramadhan. It's been ages since I last updated my blog. And seriously, it's been err kinda hectic for me. And aku punya fon bukannnya boleh online pun. Fon cikai jee. Tp tu fon pertama kot and hadiah SPM tau. So mmg hargai tau. Thanks mama. By the way, yesterday was mama's birthday and tomorrow is Wafiqah's birthday and today is JGS's birthday. Heheh. Happy birthday to all and remember I love you. And I do NOT sayy that for the fun of it. It is because I truly mean it. The love goes to Jang Geun Seuk also. What can I do?? The guy has fabulous hair and is more beautiful than more women I ever encountered. 

Alright enough introduction.Wanna know Why I miss you guys, it's because I love you guys soo much of course. What can be the reason other than the above?? Nope. Nothing that I can think of. When I was first got the offer to go to STF, I jumped with joy. Cause I was happy. Only Allah knows that STF had soo much to offer to me more than I can ever think of. It was quite awkward at first. But then as usual, friends just had to step in and make everything just SPLENDID:). And I never regretted my years in STF. Especially during this Ramadhan. Even aku selalu tidur time terawih (and still do unfortunately), I can't believe I'm about to say this but I miss teh heat of MUFAZ and the sheer packness of it. And the time when we were so silent during our iftar that even Ustazah Mazura pitied us. And how tha wardens shouted at us for eating more( though we were bejotting at that time). 

Yes I made new friends here in Taylors but hey what can I say?? You guys are simply the best. When we grew up in STF, we spent a solid 5 years there. That is kind of a big deal you know. That was period where some of us may be having their first period and crying because of it maybe? When we were still trying to find that personal personality where we can finally that someone that we can truly be. C'mon. We were just trying to grow up into something really foreign  that neither of us can ever predict. I mean , at least I feel that way. I was COMPLETELY different from who I was when I was in primary secondary. If let say that the me from when I was in primary school was going to visit the me in STF, i'm sure that the past me wasn't gonna recognize the other me. I was THAT different. And because you guys helped me through that super awkward period, I can really be my very weird and quirky self when I'm with you guys. Hihihi. Do take that as a compliment, Even someone from Taylor's said that I was weird. (Though I tried very hard to be non-weird and all that nonsense stuff).

 Currently adoring this song since beetles and roses<3

So you get the picture right that I ultimately, unconditionally and irrevocably MISS you guys. Though you guys may not feel the same bout me. Sob2. Sorry no new pictures of me. But seriously I think I lost some weight. HIHI.

Monday, 25 June 2012


Assalamualaikum (ngan gaya Lela). So last Saturday was pretty interesting. Met my friends for the last time maybe. Well, at least maybe it will be the last day for us to gather around. So it was the last chance for us to reminisce our memories together. But what's done is done. What's most important is what is going to happen in the future. Some of us has already gone to continue their study to UM, some will be tomorrow and some this weekend.

So here it goes. Just something to make us motivated to STUDY HARDER!!!!!!

Terbaik SPM=Alisa Balqis
Anugerah Bestari= Syaza Nadiah Azmi
Anugerah Pelajar Aktif= Syafiqah Shakira
Anugerah Puteri Sakinah= Nurul Hazwani
Anugerah Tun Fatimah= Wardah Shafiqah

Wednesday, 20 June 2012


Assalamualaikum~. Hehe. Baru bgn tido je tetibe terpikir psl benda ni.  So, of course there's a limit to how we act around boys and how we act around girls right. We're different so there's bound to be limitation such an aggravation. Haha. Takde lah.

Being a muslim and being a teenager holds many obstacles. But truly of course these obstacles were never meant  to make it difficult for us. Ever had a situation where you say to say yourself " Why?? Why?? Why did I do did?? I feel like going invisible" Haha. I say it ALL the time. But then I thought to myself, I didn't do what Allah S.W.T. tells me to. And that is why I suffered the after effects. I mean, it's not that Allah had those after effects for me as a punishment and what not, HE simply does not want me to feel bad afterwards that's why he told me not to do it. Am I making any points her? Aigoo.

Okay. So I act differently when I'm exactly face to face with a boy than when I'm online with him. Ezham once said to me this while I was IM-ing with him. This was a looong time ago. " Amboi....depan aku bukan main sopan ag eh kau..kat sini..hmmph" Lebih kurang lah. So then I thought, what makes it different. Why do we act differently?

Maybe it is simply because of familiarity. The more often we spend time with a guy or a girl, the more familiar we are with him or her. Be it real presence in real life or in the internet. The feeling of being in the company in another boy would of course make you nervous. Unless you're familiar with him of course. The more practice you have with what to do, the more you know how to act. Well, as the saying goes....practice makes perfect. But the presence of another person will make it easier. Haiih...

So then I thought again...' you can't judge a book by it's cover'. Well to me that's kinda bullshit. If a book has a cover saying fairytails and other stories, will you find the History of America as its content? I bet you that 99 % of the content will have fairytails and other stories. The other 1 % is a mistake on the printing company. I read a tweet saying that you can't judge a person by their tweets. Excuse me but don't you tweet what's in your mind so isn't who you really are determines what you think and thus what you tweet??

whatever. so try to act the same as how you are in the internet. if you're good ad better and nicer in the real world, make sue you're nice in the maya world as well. im rambling and not making any points -.-. bye

Monday, 18 June 2012

Hanezzz Zarai??

Dear Miss Hanis,
Do play the video below. you have those guitar thingy right. Who knows maybe somebody you'll be able to play the guitar like her one day. I wish you luck in you horse riding and your guitar playing(:

smiley feet:)

So, you're embarrassed to take off your shoes in public yeah?? hmm try some of these tips below and maybe you'll say bye to those smelly feet and instead say hello to new, smiling feet. (Gosh, I'm starting to sound like some cheesy sales person)

  • Sprinkle sodium bicarbonate or baking soda inside each sock and insole of shoes. Baking soda inhibits growth of bacteria which is responsible for bad smell. Also try corn starch or baby powder.
  • Soak your feet in water that has baking soda and few teaspoons of vinegar. Vinegar is a natural anti-fungal remedy for smelly feet
  • Soak your feet in 1/3 apple cider vinegar with part of warm water
  • Soak your feet in green tea of black tea ( two tea bags in a small tub of water will do). Tea contains a natural tannic acid that will kill bacteria that lives in the sweat of the feet
  • Sprinkle sage in your shoes before putting them on or drink a cup of sage tea before going to bed. You can also make a sage tea foot bath by infusing 10 large leaves ( 1 tea spoon of ground age) in warm water
  • Wash your feet with anti-bacterial soap and dry thoroughly afterwards
  • Take a zinc supplement 
  • Putting charcoal or shoe odour-eaters inserts into your shoes 

So these tips sound quite effective. But to know how effective they really are, try practicing the tips yourself!

Friday, 15 June 2012


Disebabkan aku ni gatal sangat nak kahwin tapi takde calon ag ( -.-"), aku teringin nak buat post pasal pernikahan. Apa istimewanya perkahwinan ni selain sebb toooott tu. Kenapa orang nak sangat kahwin padahal belanja kahwin beribu2 sekarang ni.

Kahwin tu sunnah tau....Jangan main2. (  Sunnah yang ni jugak nak kecoh. Sunnah yang lain tak kecoh plak. Berhenti makan sebelum kenyang ke...)

Istimewanya pernikahan..jeng jeng jeng        

  • Menjaga kesucian dan kehormatan lelaki dan wanita
  • Mendamaikan hati dan mencegah diri daripada dosa iaitu zina
  • Menjaga agamanya
  • Menjaga keturunan dan menjamin kelangsungan manusia
  • Menjaga kehormatan dan kesucian diri
  • Melengkapkan kasih sayang antara lelaki dan wanita
  • Menjaga kesihatan diri manusia dari penyakit jangkitan kelamin seperti AIDS
  • Last sekali....SYOK!! 
Hahaha. Yang last tu aku buat sendiri. Betul ape, kahwin kan syok. Lepas kahwin, kalau tgk cerita romantik, tak payah nak berangan2 ag, sbb dia dah ade kat sebelah. Ececece. Makan boleh same2. Boleh pergi jogging same2. Siap tolong lapkan peluh ag. Padan muka kena lap peluh busuk. Pastu leh gi mane2 lah same2. So lps abis belajar nnt, gi ah kahwin. Selamat Mencuba!


Tapi sebelum itu!

Bentuk- bentuk TABARRUJ model jahiliah

  • Menampakkan sebahagian anggota tubuhnya di hadapan lelaki bukan mahram ( aurat wanita sampai pergelangan tangan bukan sampai siku yee)
  • Menampakkan perhiasannya baik semua atau sebahagia. ( Paham2 lah ye..tudung tu jangan diselempangkan)
  • Berjalan dengan dibuat2
  • Mendayu2 ketika berbual dengan lelaki bukan mahram
  • Menghentak2kan kaki agar diketahui perhiasan yang disembunyi ( kalau zaman sekarang, pakai kasut tinggi keletak keletuk bunyi kasut)

*Untuk maklumat lanjut, sila baca  maksud surah An- Nur. Absolutely NO terms and conditions applied:)